New Vocabulary Words

A friend told me recently that reading my blog made her sad.  Here's a bit of advice from someone that has been down that road a time or two.  Just say no to sad! 

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I tell my stories because I need to connect with people, even remotely.  Grief is a human experience that we share, or have shared, or will share. There is something to be gained from shared stories, but only the right stories at the right time.  These are the only stories I have to tell right now. If this blog makes you uncomfortable in any way, stop reading it.  Go, do something else and find joy in it.   I won't be offended in the least.

Updates/Recent Discoveries:

• I can't lift the heavy planters that Roger and put on the porch and patio every spring.  Sigh.  One more thing I cannot do by myself.  I had to replace them with lightweight plastic planters.  I am learning to do things in a new way.
• Junk mail and junk phone calls directed at Roger's business are slowing down.  Good.  I'm tired of telling people to take Roger off their call list.
• The bedroom remodel is done.  Life was a chaotic mess for a couple of weeks.  I slept in the guest room while my bedroom furniture was stacked and stashed in every room in the house.  You wouldn't believe the dust created by removing an old cottage cheese ceiling.  By the time I was completely out of patience with the project, it was done.  I am so glad to be in my beautiful new room.  It is clean and serene.  I love sleeping in my own bed.
• I have a new car.  I discovered it's easier for me to manage a regular monthly car payment than  being surprised by large repair bills.  Sorry Roger, but your Volvo had to go.  I couldn't afford to keep it road worthy.  I love that my new Prius feels a lot like my old Celica.  It is reliable and safe.  It feels like home.   (I am still not adventurous enough to push some of the buttons, and I can live without internet connectivity in my car!)
• I have decision burn-out.  How many decisions do we make each day?  I should Google it.  I bet it's a lot.  I bet I've made 10 times the normal number of decisions over the last 4 months.   I don't want any more change.  Right now I just want stability and serenity. 
• I've started reading trashy novels.  I'm a little embarrassed to admit that because I've always been a snob about good books.  I don't need to stretch my brain right now.  I need to escape life in 30-minute increments.
• I cry less.  I don't miss Roger any less. 

Those of you who have known me for a number of years will recognize what appears to a new vocabulary in action.  Words I thought I would never apply to myself:  serenity, safety, comfort, reliability, stability, escape.  Yep - those words describe what I need now.  It's amazing what telling our stories can do.  Perhaps I learn more from it than any of my readers do.